Disenchantment

Have you ever been at a point in your life when you've grown disenchanted with just about everything around you? And what do you do when you know the source of that discontent and it just happens to be your job, your sole source of income to support yourself and your children? It's not like I can give up my job easily - although the economy where I live isn't all that bad, it's a damn risky thing to do as a single parent. I get paid well for what I do and I think I'm more than competent at what I do, it's just that the environment, the politicking is killing me slowly. I don't kiss a**, I don't suck up, I come to work and I do my job and do it well. The problem is, I firmly believe that while they recognize that I have the intellectual abilities, I don't have "the look" and I don't have the people/verbal skills they're looking for. Yes, I'm a bigger woman and I'm an introvert - does that mean they think I'm not capable of things? Or that I don't present the full package they're looking for? I don't work in the sales industry, I don't work in retail, I work in government. I'm a civil servant and I'm stressed. And sadly, the powers that be don't care. They want the numbers to be right, no matter how irrational the means to reach these numbers are. Logic doesn't prevail and that, my folks, is what you voted for. Myself, I voted for the opposition. Not that it helps any.....

Posting via email

I'm checking out the ability to post via email here. Sometimes I feel the need to write from work and if I can accomplish that via email, that would be great. The need to express myself is so strong of late that I really don't know what to.do with it. No people to talk to, those who like me to listen to them rarely return the favour. So what's a girl to do? Keep it all inside until she explodes? The last time that happened, all hell broke loose in my house and I don't want that to happen again. And so my journey continues.

A little lost....a little found

I do believe it's about time to have an avenue with which to vent, speculate, ponder - a place to be myself and not worry about what people think.

I have so many things running around in my head on any given day, that this may end up being a place full of rambling thoughts.  Maybe once I get the majority of them out things will be better, more coherent.

Then again, maybe not.

I've been on one hell of a journey so far in this thing they call a life and I've learned a lot about life in general. The only thing left is to learn a bit more about me and in the process, learn to love me for who I am, not who people think I am, or how they expect me to be.

Maybe one day I'll get there. Maybe not.

Only time will tell.......